Choosing the Better Good

When we are making moral choices, we generally know which option is good and which is bad. Most of us sense what God wants and what He doesn’t want. Even if we happen to choose the bad, we usually do so with an understanding of that fact.

When it comes to making choices where there is no moral component, however, we struggle with how best to do that. Some rely on logic, some on gut feel, some solicit advice from family and friends and go with the consensus, etc. But there is a better way. We can turn to God for help. When it comes to the choices we make, big or small, God always knows which is the better one. Consider this excerpt from the Gospel of Luke 10:41-42)

⁴¹ But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; ⁴² there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.” (NRSVCE underline mine for emphasis)

Martha chose to serve through hospitality. Mary chose to sit and listen. Both choices were good. Jesus, Himself said, “but whoever wishes to become great among you must be your servant.” (Mark 10:43 NRSVCE) But notice the difference in this case. Martha, because of her choice, is worried and distracted. It is not hard to imagine that Mary is not. That is often one of the graces of choosing the better good, of making the choice that God desires: we experience the peace that surpasses understanding.

So how do we invite God into our choices, even the little ones? I offer the acronym M.A.P. as a preparatory guide to seeking, listening, and discerning God’s will in our choices.

M is for Motive – Undoubtably the best motive is a love of God and a desire to serve and please Him with every choice. Love of neighbor and a desire to make a choice that brings them good is a close second. Remember that “We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 NRSVCE)

Self-interest as a primary motive is not normally going to attract God to respond. I say primary, because there can be more than one motive at work in seeking God’s help and self-interest can be a natural secondary motive. Finally, fear by itself is the wrong motive because we are already listening to the enemy’s voice. God is always telling us, “Do not be afraid.”

A is for Attitude – We should approach God with an attitude of humility and the firm conviction that He alone knows what is best for us. We should have an attitude of obedience, a willingness to obey Him in whatever choice He leads us to. We must trust that He loves us and wants only what is best for us and firmly trust that He is listening and will answer our request for guidance. We must have an attitude of openness to all possible answers from God. It is a mistake to limit God to an A or B choice; at best you will make Him laugh. He is God. In the image above and in our own lives, we may think there are only the obvious paths to choose from, but we must always be open to the fact that God may desire us to forge a new path, or even to turn around. Finally, we must have an attitude of neutrality when it comes to the possible choices. St. Ignatius refers to this as standing in the center of the scale. We must be firmly detached from any preference of one outcome over another.

These preparatory steps set us up for greater success with the ultimate step which is:

P is for Process – The way we go about seeking and discerning God’s answer. There are many great resources available online with websites such as IgnatianSpirituality.com, podcasts such as "What Am I To Do"  The Discernment of God's Will in Everyday Decisions by Fr. Tim Gallagher, and books or audiobooks devoted to this topic like Discerning God's Will by Fr. Larry Richards. Too many in fact to go into the details here. But I would like to offer some practical guidance based on my experience to supplement these materials.

1.    The process we choose should be one that we feel God calling us to at that moment. God uses the process as much as any answer to draw us closer to Him and to teach us. God does not function like an answer machine where we ask a question, open a Bible, and see the answer every time. (He may choose to do that frequently, but it’s His choice not ours when He does.)

2.    There is a right and a wrong time when it comes to making choices or changes, especially of a spiritual nature. The right time is when we are in a state of spiritual consolation and feeling very close to God. The wrong time is when we are feeling spiritual desolation, a lack of motivation for prayer, or a sense that God has abandoned us. See St Ignatius’ Rule 5.

3.    Take whatever time God gives you to arrive at your discernment. Patience is the virtue here. With that in mind, choose a process that matches the time you have. If this is a life choice on something like a vocation, then a process that takes months, like the 19^thAnnotation of the Ignation Spiritual Exercises, would be more appropriate than a few days of reflection on Scripture.

4.    The most common method and my personal preference is to turn to Scripture. Some rely on the daily Scripture readings, some on the Liturgy of the Hours, still others prefer to select their readings at random. There is no one right way. However, referring back to point one: do not stop at the first answer you feel you receive. Take the entire time you have set aside to keep reading and reflecting before coming to a conclusion.

5.    If you are relying on Scripture or a Spiritual book like the Imitation of Christ, do not expect to always receive your answer in the writings. Pay close attention to your feelings and how your attitude towards a particular choice may change as you approach your decision time. Pay attention to other ways that God may answer you through the things that people say, lyrics to a Christian song, etc. Reflect on why He might be answering you in that way at this time. 

6.    I know of some people who like to ask God for a sign or a series of signs, but I would counsel against that approach. It is the equivalent of telling God how you want Him to answer you, rather than the path of humility, which is to say, answer me please any way that you want. If God chooses to give you a sign, be grateful but don’t demand it of Him.

7.    If you have no time to choose between two seemingly good options, then choose the one that involves greater sacrifice on your part. If that cannot be discerned, then simply trust God to support the choice you make and move forward. God can always redirect a person in movement, but not when we do nothing.

8.    If you want to get better at all of this, seek a good Spiritual Director to assist you. That too is a choice where God’s assistance is essential. Check out this article on 10 steps to finding a Spiritual Director.

I hope you find this guidance helpful in your personal spiritual journey. There is nothing more rewarding than actively seeking and responding to God’s guidance in every aspect of your life. Be confident that He loves you and wants to do everything with you. He is just waiting for you to ask.

Your brother in Christ,

Paul 

The Components of being a good father include the roles of Priest, Husband, Father, Provider

Too much focus on one role can lead to detriment in others. We apply a Cross-fitness philosophy to Fatherhood and to all male vocations.

• Balance is not spending equal time on each role.
• Balance is not a static state either. 
• It’s about making sure appropriate time is spent on each role. 
• It varies with vocation, marital status, age, financial status, etc.

Time spent is not sufficient for success though.

• How well we spend that time is critical. 
• We must be knowledgeable to be good at each role.
• We strive to help men improve their knowledge.